There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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