you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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