she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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