Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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