i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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