the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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