i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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