I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
