____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dick very happy bro
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
