you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sext me about skeletons
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
