Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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