I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
