Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm at about main and main street
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
