Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
