pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
