Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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