My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
