her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
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The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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