in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
