I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
