she told me i tasted like america
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
