you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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