can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
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oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
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I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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