yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
