"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
