Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
