WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
