some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
