I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
