watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize