i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
