Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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