I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
