Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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