I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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