if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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