All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
