just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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