Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
