I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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