He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
why is half of my head shaved?
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