I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
