All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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