I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
