i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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