He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
