8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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