i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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