Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
