You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
