I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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