So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
