I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
