is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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