i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana