I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..