I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.