WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
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My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.