Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?

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  (901): After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background? http://tfl.nu/ijcb
  Replies (63) Good night (2773) Bad night (3515)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She'll never know what hit her

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.

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  (703): She'll never know what hit her (1-703): I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact. http://tfl.nu/fbuf
  Replies (2) Good night (1815) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OMG! Ew.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Lucky Dad.

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  (240): I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one! (301): OMG! Ew. (240): Lucky Dad. http://tfl.nu/dv3r
  Replies (29) Good night (769) Bad night (2840)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1606) Bad night (3899)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.

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  (717): Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie. http://tfl.nu/dgs6
  Replies (28) Good night (5137) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

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  (570): I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days. http://tfl.nu/quks
  Replies (42) Good night (5737) Bad night (1566)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?

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  (914): Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave? http://tfl.nu/fkd9
  Replies (14) Good night (3529) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.

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  (561): She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal. http://tfl.nu/us8h
  Replies (3) Good night (1840) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..

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  (813): Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it.. http://tfl.nu/d0rc
  Replies (5) Good night (1644) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.

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  (612): I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket. http://tfl.nu/c7zs
  Replies (5) Good night (1511) Bad night (1441)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room

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  (502): Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room http://tfl.nu/pqte
  Replies (3) Good night (955) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.

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  (813): This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny. http://tfl.nu/7jk5
  Replies (8) Good night (1878) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.

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  (339): In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese. http://tfl.nu/cela
  Replies (4) Good night (628) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.

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  (949): "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment. http://tfl.nu/f4dn
  Replies (0) Good night (628) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.

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  (403): I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here. http://tfl.nu/pi4e
  Replies (0) Good night (691) Bad night (207)

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