How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
