This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
pray to the hookup gods
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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