The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
