why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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