I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You ruined the universe
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
