Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
