He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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