there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
