I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
