God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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