btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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