once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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