I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
