I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
