did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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