remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
