A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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