Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
