What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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