I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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