My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
