What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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