well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
