id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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