mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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